I sit down to eat my lunch, and I hear a cry come from upstairs. I moan and roll my eyes, “Ah, I thought he was asleep!” I continue to eat my lunch, hoping he’ll go back to sleep. Five minutes pass and he’s still crying. My heart goes out to him. Why isn’t he sleeping this time?
Ah, yes. Sleep. One thing I’ve learned since Asher was born is that the phrase “sleep like a baby” is a misnomer. We’ve had to train our baby to sleep well. (I know this is a controversial topic, so be kind. Please keep reading because this post is not so much about how we trained our son to sleep but the lesson I’ve learned.)
This was something that we wanted to do from before Asher was born. We’d read a couple of books that we’d been given and dove right in as soon as we were home from hospital. I wanted to make this method work.
Oh, has this been a lesson in humility!
I know that Asher hasn’t read the books we read so obviously he can’t follow them. Admittedly, I’m so black and white that I find it difficult to think outside the box (or in this case, book) to figure out what is wrong with my baby at times. There were many instances when Asher wasn’t doing things that the book said he shouldn’t do if I did x-y-z. It would make me frustrated.
Now, before continuing on, let me say that even though I get frustrated when Asher doesn’t sleep I don’t feel I have the right to get frustrated when he doesn’t sleep for his naps. This is because Asher has always been a good sleeper at night. No matter how rubbish his naps are throughout the day, once he’s had his last bottle of the day, he’ll fall fast asleep.
Asher went through a phase a few weeks back when he wouldn’t take naps very well at all. Frustrated I’d tried every trick I knew that would line up with what the book had outlined as acceptable. And when they didn’t work, I felt like a failure… like a bad mum because I couldn’t get my baby to sleep the way the book described. Toward the end of this phase, I realised that training my baby to sleep had become somewhat of an idol in my life. I wasn’t enjoying my baby because I was so bent on getting him to sleep well.
Then God got my attention. I really don’t remember how He got my attention, but He did. And He told me to just roll with it when things don’t go “according to the book.” It’s so hard to do this! But when I am flexible, I can actually enjoy my baby. :) Funnily enough, as soon as I made this discovery, Asher was through his phase of not taking naps (for the time being). As time goes on, I’m still learning to go with the flow, too. You’d think I’d be good at going with the flow since I was a teacher. Ah, well… this is one of those lessons that I will be constantly learning in life because I seem to need this lesson a lot.
I’ve been learning (and still learning and struggling) not to compare Evie with other babies. It’s so hard and I feel overwhelmed with guilt at times thinking I’m not doing things right/the same as others or that I an a dreadful mother! it’s not true! I make mistakes and Evie is not a perfect baby but guilt does not help at all. I’ve read some books but found I enjoy Evie and being a Mum much more when I’m flexible and don’t have expectations from books or others. This is so not what I expected! We’ve had a period with Evie being unsettled before the dream feed. I’m trying to look at it as extra cuddles rather than frustration!
The presence of mummy guilt is huge! It’s interesting because we all know it’s there and want to avoid it. I decided to not read the 2nd book in the sleeping series we read for that reason… I didn’t want it to dictate what Asher should and shouldn’t be doing. I’m enjoying being a Mummy that much more because of that decision! :) (And getting lots of extra cuddles, too!)