There was a time when I prayed Titus’s diagnoses would stop coming. He’d been diagnosed with a number of things in his short life: duodenal atresia, pelvic kidney, tetralogy of Fallot, imperforate anus, single kidney, polysplenia, biliary atresia. My heart and my stomach were in knots because of his diagnoses. But there was a day we finally had peace.
The day after Thanksgiving, Titus had major surgery to correct his liver condition. We waited around on pins and needles to hear how the surgery had gone. Finally, we met with our liver surgeon, Mr. A in Titus’s cubicle. My heart raced waiting to hear how successful the surgery was. And then my heart stopped when Mr. A informed us that he could not do the surgery as we’d hoped. What followed was a blur because the bad news blind-sided us. All I remember is hearing that Titus didn’t have bile ducts attached to his liver. Mr. A said he didn’t know what the next step was, but a liver transplant was likely on the horizon.
We waited through the weekend to speak with Titus’s hepatologist (liver doctor), trusting this news wasn’t a surprise to God. After being told the hepatologists needed to meet with the cardiologists to determine the next step, we found ourselves in another hospital quiet room. I can still hear Dr. McL’s voice as she broke the news to us.
“There is nothing more we can do for Titus. He needs a liver transplant and heart surgery. To do a liver transplant would put a strain on his heart, and he’ll die. If we repair his heart first, putting him on bypass will likely put him into liver failure.”
And just like that, the diagnoses stopped coming. I never imagined it would come in the form of a terminal prognosis. We were devastated.
In the days that followed, we prayed for a miracle… If God were to heal Titus, it was going to have to be a complete healing. At the same time, we were at peace with this prognosis. Titus would have struggled through life. Now he’d go to a much better place, where he will be made healthy and whole. It was hard to accept that the doctors really couldn’t do anything else for our baby. But we knew it wasn’t a surprise to God.
I’ve never experienced supernatural peace before. My heart was broken into a million pieces, but I had peace knowing Titus’s suffering would come to an end. Our journey was anything but expected. But God knows what He’s doing, and He’s not surprised. At all. That gave us peace.
An unexpected journey can still be filled with peace.
I know your journey is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have that peace that passes all understanding. It may seem like there’s no hope for your situation, but there’s peace in knowing that God knows what He’s doing. Jesus promised us peace. And it may not come in the way we expect.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27
