There have been times in the last 6 months that I’ve felt I’m raising someone else’s child. There. I said it. Does that make me a bad mother? It hasn’t been until recently that I’ve finally felt like Asher is my son.
I’m not certain when it started… when I discovered that I’m a people pleaser years ago, when we spent a night in special care under the nurse’s authority on the unit, or when I read the book I alluded to in a post a couple of weeks ago. How it started doesn’t matter. The point is I’ve struggled to take ownership of my mothering because of my desire to please others and ‘follow the rules.’
Maybe it comes down to my inability to trust myself—my own mothering. I’ve realised that a lot of the guilt I feel as a mother is from… ME. The other day I told Leon that I could feel the looks of judgement when we went somewhere and put Asher in another room to sleep instead of keeping him with us. However, I realised that it was my judgement that I’m putting on myself. I was imagining judgement from people around me.
My need to please others has gone so far as to get opinions from people who aren’t really there. It’s an ongoing process of letting go of the need to please others in the way I mother my son.
So how have I found freedom in this area?
I’ve had to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). The enemy likes to get into my thought life and mess around. I have to focus on truth. Every day.
God has given us our son to care for and raise. I’ve gotten so used to working in a childcare role that I keep thinking I have Asher’s parents to answer to at the end of the day. But wait… We are his parents!!
I need to trust my instincts when I can’t go by “the rules.” I wonder how much of parenting is (should be?) directed by the Holy Spirit?
I’m constantly reminded that I need to please God, not man (Colossians 3:23). This is so hard to do as a people pleaser, but it’s so necessary!
Again, I say that finding freedom in the way I mother my son is an ongoing lesson I’m learning. Thankfully God’s grace covers my mothering every day!
What about you? How has being a mum changed you recently? Let’s chat in the comments!
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It’s like you’ve been in my head. Thank you for sharing this. It’s nice to know I am not the only one who struggles with “mommy guilt”. This was something I was not expecting to have such a hard time with, but as a fellow people pleaser, I’m right there with you. I’m still learning how to find that freedom, but one of the things that has helped me is to look back just a few months to something that may have been a struggle with Elijah and compare to how he is doing it well now. In the midst of the decision that seemed so hard to make because of the “rules” or other people’s opinions, it was so hard. But in hindsight I see that Elijah is happy and healthy and that when Tim and I made OUR decision, it worked. And most of the time, we are the only ones who even realize we chose to do something a bit different!
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone!! :) I wasn’t expecting to have such a hard time with ‘mommy guilt’ either, but lo-and-behold, there it is. Praying that we (and all other mums out there) will have the strength to please God and no one else. And that we’ll trust ourselves and the decisions we make for our children! Thank you for sharing, Kelli!
I love this… what a great insight!! I’m so excited for you about the journey God has you on, cuz! Way to listen to His voice and respond….
PS – I have struggled also with the desire to please people in the way I parent… But it’s true – we live before the Lord, and HIS well-done (along with being in unity with our husbands) is what matters. Nothing else.